Pirate Ratchet (and Clank)
by Jak Cooper the Lombax
Summary: After the Prog twins affair, Galactic heroes, Ratchet and Clank are now trying a little piracy for a change, but becoming a pirate Captain is far more easier than done. Reviews please! Flamers will be thrown into a pit full of Blargian Snaggle Beasts and War Groks.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so, I thought about this and I always wonder what would have happened if Ratchet took up that proposal of becoming a pirate captain. Also, I just couldn't make the time line be before A Crack in Time, so this is going to have Clank.

 **Disclaimer: *Looks through a box full of papers* Nope, the rights of Ratchet and Clank aren't in here either. I'm still sure I don't own Ratchet and Clank.  
**

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"Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me! Yo ho! Yo ho!" I can't believe I took up the offer of being a Space Pirate. I listened to the pirates' song as I silently gazed up at the stars on what was Captain Darkwater's ship. "Well, this is something." Clank said beside me while he was fiddling with his cutlass. I only grunted in agreement as I slowly ran a sharpening stone over my own cutlass.

My wrench was back in the captain's cabin on a wall mount where it will stay until I pick it back up when I need it. Luckily with us being with these pirates, they let Clank keep every upgrade he has, Zoni know that we might need 'em. All my other weapons are in chests in the wepon hold along with spare cutlasses, pistols, ammo, powder, and cannon balls. Oh, and yeah, all the grog is scattered around the ship either in a fellow pirate's hand or in a barrel somewhere in the cargo hold.

"Oi! Cap'n Ratchet! Where ye be leadin' ye new crew!" Captain Slag called up to me from the main deck. I put my cutlass back in it's sheath and clipped Clank to my back just before I leapt off the crows nest and zip lined down the wires, twisting myself around just before I would wind up going overboard and I landed on all fours in front of my crew. I stood up and commanded in a very terrible pirate talk, "We be headin' for Ardolis!"

The crew exploded in cheers and the singing and drinking continued as the ship made it's way to Ardolis. When the ship was pointed in the right direction, the warp drive was activated and the sectors that were in our way flew right on by the ship in a blur. When the ship dropped out of the warp drive, Ardolis was right in front of the ship. "Welcome to our new home, Clank." I said with small homesickness for Veldin in my heart.

I know it's too late to turn back on the whole pirate thing, but I'm starting to wish I had said no on that offer.

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Well, that's some beginning for a story. Let me know if you guys want this story or not and I'll see you guys later.

 ** _~Jak Cooper the Lombax_**


	2. Chapter 2

Yarharhar!...I am so sorry about that, had a pirate spasm. Anyway, some of you guys gave me reviews, so here's chapter two! Also, I'm begining to think that this story might have a lot of grog jokes, ya know, like how Pirates of the Caribean had rum jokes. Here's an example.

PotC: Why is the rum always gone?

Now, here's one line I think that is going to be said a lot in this fic.

R&C: Why is the grog always gone?

I'll bet we're going to see a few nods of other pirate movies in this.

 **Disclaimer: *Searching though Qwark's underwear drawer with a clothes pin on my nose.* Still not seein' the rights to Ratchet and Clank. Why the heck am I even looking for them in here?  
**

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The ship set down on the water near the pirate capital, Irquol-Sul City. It's actually quite new, it was built during my time searching for Clank and it was finished a bit after the Prog affair. The city is pirate heaven, cargo ships full of grog, and buildings chock full of supplies that could take down the Starship Phoenix if a pirate had a big enough ship to do so. When the ship docked next to two other ships of the same size, I jumped off the ship and landed on the dock, and I started heading towards the city, with Clank watching my back ever so faithfully. As we walked through the city, other pirates would either have a woman in each arm, or a mug of grog in both of their hands and some would even just shoot the pirate right next to them for no reason.

Despite all the commotion, I noticed that some pirates would stare at me, I don't blame anyway due to me just becoming a pirate just a few days ago. "Ratchet." I heard Clank say behind me when my left ear twitched due to a pirate coming up behind me. Quickly turning around, I drew my cutlass and Combustor pistol out and the pirate behind me had a dagger with poison dripping off the tip. Without hesitation, the pirate had burst into a sprint and I pulled the trigger twice on the pistol and I thrust the sword in front of me to stop the pirate in case he kept moving after I shot him.

I guess my reflexes impressed those around me when the pirate fell when his left foot came down on the ground and he had a bullet in his head and heart. Every other pirate around instantly turned their heads to see a Lombax wielding a cutlass and a Combustor pistol. I thought I was gonna need to pull out the Negotiator, but to my surprise, the pirates just went back to drinking their grog and gambling. I sighed in relief as I put the cutlass back in it's sheath and put the pistol back in the quick select.

"Cap'n Ratchet!" I turned my head back to Rusty Pete and Captain Slag coming from the ship with two other members of the crew. When the four pirates, well... the three pirates and a head on a stick, caught up with me, I looked curiously at the two other pirates. Pete spoke up with a few hick ups, "Oh, yeah. *HIC* I forgotten that ye haven't *HIC* met the rest of the *HIC* crew." I looked over at the two pirates as they introduced themselves. "Me name's Draluic." One said who had a simple green tint to his yellow eyes and he held a crudely made cutlass.

"An' my name's Kristal." I was kinda taken aback when I heard a feminine voice say that from the pirate's mouth. "Wait, you're a female?" I said when my tongue got untangled from my tail. "Ye got a problem with that?" She said as she lifted her cutlass up to my chin. "No." I said said calmly to the pirate with a straight face.

"Alrighty then. We best be *HIC* be on our *HIC* our HIC* way. *HIC*" Rusty Pete hiccupped as we walked to the center of the city. When we approached the center of town, a whole crowd was circled around two pirates who were settling a argument, with their swords and blasters. I silently prayed at they wouldn't drag me into the fight, but before the prayer went answered, Rusty Pete had to shout out, "Hey! *HIC* Don't be *HIC* arguin' over the *HIC* the grog!" The entire crowd of pirates turned their heads over to us and had a look on their faces that clearly stated that Pete shouldn't have done that.

"Uhh...Right then. *HIC* Carry on." Slag's first mate said to the crowd who instantly went back to arguing and fighting again. "That was little too close." Clank thought aloud as we stepped into a tavern. "SHUT THAT DOOR!" I suddenly ducked as a bottle of grog exploded against Rusty Pete's face and I saw the drunk pirate who threw the bottle at me. "Aye! Cap'n Anaglyph!" Slag shouted from Pete's left hand and the said captain looked up to us.

"Did ye not hear me? Shut. That. Door!" He said as he lifted another bottle of grog. "Woah! Wait! Just listen to us for a second! We're trying to-" I was interrupted by a flying bottle of grog which with my fast reflexes, I caught the bottle by the neck and the old captain snarled, "Get. Out." Anaglyph slumped his way over to the stairs and I stuttered while trying to come up with a reason for him to listen. "Treasure! Uh...Captain Darkwater!...Captain Blackstar and his army of undead pirates!?...Agh. JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND!" I roared out as I threw the bottle at Anaglyph and the bottle crashed against the step just as his left foot hovered over the step.

"I have traveled through three different galaxies, saved all three of them, one twice, I even saved the universe for Zoni sakes! JUST LISTEN!" I don't know where all this anger came from, but Anaglyph had his full attention on me as I explained that every death dealing event that me and Clank have had with pirates and now we were partners with Captain Slag and Rusty Pete and their crew and just before I pulled out a pistol and blast every single bottle on the wall, Anaglyph spoke, "Come with me, Ratchet and Clank." I went over to the pirate who tapped something on the wall and the staircase slowly slid back revealing a dark and dank cellar with a few lamps on the posts near the bottom step. "Come." He said hoarsely before he walked down the steps and when we reached the bottom, we each grabbed a lamp and I followed the old pirate through the large yet caverns.

"What is this?" I asked as I looked at all the walls that held what looked like books and scrolls. "All you need to know it that it holds books and scrolls." The old captain said as we continued through the cavern. It felt like we were walking for almost thirty minutes through the caverns until the pirate stopped at the end of the cavern. "Here we are." He said as he pulled a book out of a small door shaped hole in the wall.

He blew the dust off the book and turned the very crinkly pages in the book to a certain page and he read a line in a certain language I couldn't understand and a breeze of cold air suddenly burst through the cavern and sending a shiver up and down my spine. "What was that?" I asked when the breeze suddenly stopped and Anaglyph was placing the book back in it's place. "Spirits of dead pirates." He stated as he pulled a scroll out and handed it to me. "Keep this. You'll need it." I picked the scroll up out of his hand and with the scroll in my hand, the pirate led us again, this time out of the caverns.

When we came back to the stairs, I placed the lantern back on the hook I picked it up from and some sound made my left ear twitch to where we came from. I looked over to where the sound came from, but nothing but darkness was there. "Ratchet." I looked back up at Anaglyph as he looked down at me from the top steps. "Sorry. I thought I heard something." I said as I went up the steps.

We went back to the ship to find all the supplied stocked up and a few members of the crew were out in the city. I went into the captain's quarters and as I laid the scroll down on the red wood desk, I found myself staring at the scroll, but never opening it. _Okay, so, if I open this, I devote my life to piracy, but if I don't open it, the crew could mutiny and I have no clue if I could get to Aphelion, who, might I add, is in the hold of the ship with a few barrels of grog and gunpowder tying her down._ I finally got the courage to open the scroll and upon unrolling the paper, I saw a map of...

Kyzil Plateau. And a X was right over where my garage is.

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 **Dun Da DUUUUUUUUUUUN!  
**

Well well well. What a twist, eh? I know. Even I didn't see myself writing that, because I originally planned for the X to be over the Court of Azimuth, but the supposed treasure being at Ratchet's garage seemed more dramatic.

Ratchet: What!? How dare you!?

JCL: Hey, this seemed better! Besides, I can't give too much away, but I'll tell you. *Whispers in Ratchet's ear*

Ratchet: That's what's gonna happen!? I do feel better now though.

JCL: Well. We be havin' a squash bucklin' adventure in the future! An' don't worry me hearties! There be much more to this adventure besides the rumored loot at Ratchet's garage. That's right. It's rumored that there is loot under Ratchet's garage, but I can't tell ye what happens. Yer just gonna hafta find out for yerselves!

Ratchet: Err...Can I call you Cooper?

JCL: Sure.

Ratchet: Okay. Cooper, ya know you don't need to talk pirate, right?

JCL: Yes. But this is a pirate story! And the title is Pirate Ratchet (and Clank), so- *has a idea lightbulb light over their head* PIRATE SONG!

Ratchet: Oh, please no.

JCL: *Pulls a microphone out of their pocket* Stay tuned for Ratchet singing a pirate song!

Please Review and blah!...Arg!

 ** _~Jak Cooper the Lombax  
_**


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